we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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