my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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