I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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