I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
