Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
