Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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