I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
