Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
