my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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