OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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