so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
