I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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