he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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