Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
