Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Are we still banned from the library?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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