All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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