Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
