Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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