Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
