How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
