Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
