Taylor Swift is so right about you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
