Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
