well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
