oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
