I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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