wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
