I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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