Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
