So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
