the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
