Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
