I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Life is so much better after having sex.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
