are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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