the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
