Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
