All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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