I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
