wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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