Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
