Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
