Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
