You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If I had your ass I would rule the world
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
