I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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