I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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