What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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