good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
