please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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