i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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