i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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